By Deborah Blackwell

Let me be honest. Fairy tales are my thing. I spent most of my life in pursuit of the coveted “happy ending.” That notion — everybody’s happy, problems are solved, and life is good — is appealing. But my blog is named, Where’s the Fairy Tale, with a hint of sarcasm, for a reason. Somewhere along the way, fairy tales were replaced with real life, and the happy ending turned to just … hope.

While not-so-happy endings do bring the benefits of hindsight, “better luck next time” isn’t satisfying. So, I recently upped my game from just hoping for a happy ending to pursing the dream come true.

But … real life.

After more than four years dealing with a COVID-caused health conundrum, I finally found the courage and stamina to look for a job. Although I have limitations — I can only work part-time, mostly remote, and need flexibility since my body still calls the shots — I was ready.

Magically, an opportunity that checked all the boxes and more, dropped into my lap. It was with people I know at a place I know, and I was not only sure it would be perfect but also certain it would work out. It didn’t. After weeks of being strung along and led to believe I was in, I wasn’t, and I was completely crushed.

Everything about this job seemed meant to be. Destined by fate. Divine intervention. It answered prayers for both income and enjoyment, and even better — meaning and purpose. A dream come true. It felt familiar and I was empowered. I owned it deep down, like I already had the job before I even started. So, when I got the call that I hadn’t, I started to question trust, in myself and in life.

It reminded me of how, a long time ago when my life felt complicated, I took my happy-ending quest into my own hands and embraced the self-help, healing movement. It focuses on the mind-body connection; deepened self-awareness; and most importantly, the fact that happiness comes from within. It isn’t an ending at all, but simply a way of life. It’s “thoughts become things” and it emphasizes that the power of our beliefs not only can, but will manifest our dreams.

I was all in. I put effort behind my intentions. Followed my dreams. Believed in miracles. Learned. Mantra’d. Practiced. Trusted. We supposedly create our own realities, or at least have a strong hand in them. But do we? I thought so, for more than twenty years. But then I didn’t get that job. And for some reason, this not-so-happy ending broke me.

Does life happen to us, for us, because of us, or in spite of us?

Instead of trying to answer that, I gathered up all my discomfort — dashed hopes, anger, sadness, and despair — reached back into my self-help toolbox, and tried mindfulness. It’s not easy to sit with emotions and uncomfortable sensations without assigning “right” or “wrong” to our feelings; create a sad story about our life based on what happens to us; or not attach to anything and just be with “what is.” I’ll let you know if it works.

The other day, feeling left in the dust, exhausted and blurry-eyed from looking for a job, I closed my laptop, put my glasses down on the bed where I was sitting, and went to get a glass of water. When I came back, I plopped back down — on my glasses. I bent the frames enough to need an emergency repair.

Naturally, I wondered what the universe was trying to tell me. So, I put on an old pair of glasses and Googled the mystical meaning of broken eyeglasses. A conglomeration of answers revealed all I needed to know: Breaking eyeglass frames disrupts insight and clarity, indicating the old way of seeing things is no longer useful. It launches a season of change when all you hold dear is questioned and transformed. Re-evaluate your course. You are losing direction but gaining perspective and a new vision.

Hmmm. Does this mean no more belief in fairy tales? My good friend said obviously I sat on them because I just didn’t want to look for a different job. Maybe that’s true.

If pursuing a dream come true inspires us to follow new paths, then I’m glad I bent my glasses. I’ll happily change direction, find a new vision, and try to see things in a new way.

Hold onto hope.

And never give up on happy endings.