{"id":3435,"date":"2024-04-16T10:48:41","date_gmt":"2024-04-16T14:48:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=3435"},"modified":"2024-04-18T17:52:12","modified_gmt":"2024-04-18T21:52:12","slug":"fixing-things-runs-my-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=3435","title":{"rendered":"Fixing Things Runs My Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

By Deborah Blackwell<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m like a catcher for the Boston Red Sox: I grab it midair and throw it back fixed. Doesn\u2019t matter what it is. I even run out of my way to catch the flies. In fact, it\u2019s like running a marathon my whole life. But now the bottom line is, trying to fix everything has caught up with me. Can I fix that?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been at it since I was 5, so the answer is a resolute maybe not<\/em>. I felt bad lamenting this to a good friend during a recent, two-hour long phone conversation, and she said, \u201cDon\u2019t worry. When I\u2019m having a long, dark night of the soul, everybody hears about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYES! Exactly!\u201d I yelled, orating my dispirited thoughts that I also have no meaning, purpose, or even financial self-sufficiency right now. So, she tried to talk me through it.<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst,\u201d she said, \u201cmoney is just money.\u201d She reminded me that long ago, when my former husband \u201clost\u201d (for lack of a better word) all of our money but never replaced it, was not my fault. And I couldn\u2019t fix that. Nor could I completely fix my now four-year run with long COVID, despite all that I\u2019ve tried.<\/p>\n

Next, \u201cMeaning and purpose? Are you kidding me?\u201d She adamantly pointed out the reality of my happy, healthy adult children, and happy, healthy, loving husband in a way I couldn\u2019t deny. I didn\u2019t fail there, despite not being able to fix the chasm in my husband caused by his former wife creating a tornado of parental alienation that for years, left their children fatherless.<\/p>\n

But while impactful things are normal, sometimes they linger. Trauma and drama have swung in and out of my life for as long as I can remember, and with my survival instincts activated, I\u2019ve tried to fix it all. I seesaw from \u201cI have to fix this,\u201d to \u201cIt must be my fault I haven\u2019t fixed it,\u201d or worse, \u201cI can\u2019t fix it. Yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

What can I say. I\u2019m results-oriented. And not only results-oriented, but results with a purpose: to provide a tangible, meaningful, life-enhancing, soul-evolving outcome for others (and myself). You, the world, me, I\u2019m going to make it all better. Yep, that\u2019s my handiwork. In woo-woo world they call people like me lightworkers. Our meaning, our purpose, our longing, our joy, comes from helping others transmute their pain, raise their vibration, illuminate hope, and bring peace. It doesn\u2019t always work.<\/p>\n

This \u201ccatch-it-got-it-fixed-it\u201d (or \u201cdidn\u2019t-so-keep-going\u201d) MO is great unless it becomes a marathon. It\u2019s exhausting, I told my good friend. Then she blew my mind:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to fix anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Whaaaaaaaat?<\/p>\n

\u201cNope. You\u2019re good.\u201d She said that I\u2019ve been working so hard for so long trying to fix so many things<\/em><\/a><\/u>, that \u201cfixing\u201d has become my way of life. Not living. Fixing.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s right. Trying not to fall into the abyss of a fix-it-all fail, is indeed tricky. I know everybody has their dark night moments, including my friend, who from here, looks terribly content, self-sufficient, and successful. But how?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve spent a lot of time, energy, and money enlisting my team of fixers: healers, shamans, Chinese medicine masters, naturopaths, gurus, coaches, intuitive experts \u2026 my husband \u2026 my kids \u2026 my BFFs \u2026 because sometimes it takes a village. I keep hoping someone can help move me toward the endgame: an optimal quality of life for all, yet I still follow my playbook, I have to fix this<\/em>.<\/p>\n

But I don\u2019t, says my friend. All I have to do is be. Life, with a capital L, is for me, not against me. Even though it doesn\u2019t always feel like it in this sometimes-terrifying, disruptive, unpredictable world. I just have to get out of my own way. Put all the what-ifs, the buts, the worries, the thought-consuming concerns aside, and just be. No fixing, no freaking out \u2026 and subsequently, no failing.<\/p>\n

Be finished with fixing? Is that all? Game over.<\/p>\n

I got this.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/section>

\n\n \"\" <\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/section><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3452,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[64,50,46,66,65,62,32,94,24,45,43,44,63,67,59,89],"class_list":["post-3435","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-acceptance","tag-calm","tag-change","tag-courage","tag-empowerment","tag-growth","tag-happiness","tag-healing","tag-insight","tag-journey","tag-life","tag-life-lessons","tag-peace","tag-relief","tag-stress","tag-wellbeing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3435","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3435"}],"version-history":[{"count":38,"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3435\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3479,"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3435\/revisions\/3479"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3452"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3435"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3435"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3435"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}