{"id":3134,"date":"2023-07-29T09:38:03","date_gmt":"2023-07-29T13:38:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=3134"},"modified":"2023-08-06T12:55:06","modified_gmt":"2023-08-06T16:55:06","slug":"off-the-hook-for-not-replying-not-so-fast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=3134","title":{"rendered":"Un-Triggering From a Non-Reply"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

By Deborah Blackwell<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

When did not replying to texts become a thing? Am I the only one who thinks it\u2019s not okay? This goes for email too. When did life get too complicated to eke out a few words?<\/p>\n

We all have our own values, but sometimes those questions get the best of me. I teeter from the answers feeling insignificant to downright soul-crushing, depending on who isn\u2019t replying.<\/p>\n

Once I heard something that stuck: \u201cThe only person you have to make happy is you.\u201d Ultimately, that\u2019s true. Not that your reply makes me happy (although of course it does), but in any communication, I put myself out there, as a friend, a human, and I trust all is well. Not replying leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation and lingers in my mind. I always give the benefit of the doubt until a reasonable amount of time passes, then inner conflict ensues.<\/p>\n

Was it something I said? How was our last interaction? Our relationship overall? Sheesh, are they okay?<\/em><\/p>\n

This became ridiculously clear last week when a good friend disappeared. One day we were texting, then suddenly, no reply. It wasn\u2019t like her to leave me hanging. At all.<\/p>\n

Did she have an emergency? Miss my message? Forget to reply? Did I go to spam? Was I accidentally blocked? Are her devices broken? Was she driving? Working? Out of the country and forget to mention it? Maybe she was extra busy. I knew I hadn\u2019t been ghosted \u2014 which is such a mystery to me. Vanishing from someone\u2019s orbit without explanation, unless there are very legitimate reasons, feels wrong. I could never just leave someone hanging. At least be polite. Make something up if you have to, don\u2019t just vanish into thin air.<\/p>\n

Okay, maybe she\u2019s tired of texting. I get that. It\u2019s one more thing on the to-do list. It demands our attention (if we let it). It has no boundaries, no limitations, no specific rules. Technology doesn\u2019t always play nice or cooperate with our intention. It can be misleading. Distort tone. Warp inflection. Create conflict. And there\u2019s Auto Correct, which has a mind of its own.<\/p>\n

On the flip side, texting creates ease. It\u2019s immediate, which is valuable in many situations. It offers freedom from voice calls or voicemail. Puts the world in the palm of your hand. Plus, emojis are so fun. And there\u2019s Auto Correct, which sometimes saves the day.<\/p>\n

After several days of wavering between trying to ignore my friend\u2019s lack of reply to feeling hurt and sad, I realized it had fired some inner triggers I didn\u2019t know I had:<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not a priority, or worse, irrelevant. (Yikes.)<\/em> People are disappointing. (Yep, the world \u2014 and people \u2014 are different now.) I\u2019m loaded with self- doubt. (Self-doubt is real.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Even if you\u2019re living a blissful existence on the heels of a perfect childhood, according to Scientific American, a healthy dose of self-doubt is important, and helps us figure out how to get along better with our fellow humans. So, Fellow Human, what\u2019s up?<\/p>\n

When she finally called to explain, it took me a minute to put her logical but somewhat complicated explanation together. Turns out, I wasn\u2019t the only person concerned. Of course, complications are something I completely understand, so I had compassion and
forgiveness \u2014 for both of us. It wasn\u2019t how it appeared \u2014 the story of my life.<\/p>\n

The moral of this story was, I had to get out of my head, and drop into my heart. Although kindness is my middle name, dropping in took some effort. Triggers are real in all of us, and when they go off, we have to decide how to react. It\u2019s easy to justify being upset, that\u2019s the mind\u2019s M.O. But it\u2019s the heart that really matters.<\/p>\n

Yes, the only person we have to make happy is ourselves. But happiness thrives on communication, honesty, and trust. Self-doubt aside, not receiving a reply, for me, is an exercise in patience and tolerance with both others and myself. Because fellow humans matter. After all, that\u2019s who we\u2019ve got.<\/p>\n

\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/section>

<\/p>\n

\u201cTo free another is to free yourself.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a9TheUniverseTalks<\/strong><\/p>\n

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