{"id":2393,"date":"2022-02-26T11:13:18","date_gmt":"2022-02-26T16:13:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=2393"},"modified":"2022-02-27T14:03:11","modified_gmt":"2022-02-27T19:03:11","slug":"what-happened-to-how-are-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=2393","title":{"rendered":"What Happened to “How Are You?”\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n

By Deborah Blackwell<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

There\u2019s been a shift in the English language. What is the most loaded three-word phrase? Hint. It\u2019s not I love you.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s how are you.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Used by everyone around the world, it\u2019s got variations, like how\u2019s it going,<\/em> or how ya doing<\/em>. Sometimes it feels useless or insincere, other times, totally necessary, and sometimes it\u2019s just implied. Some people say it without thinking; some don\u2019t say it at all. Sometimes we answer automatically, other times, we spill our guts. From the casual ask to the dire concern, “how are you\" may be the most popular thing to say, if not, the most important.<\/p>\n

I think we all do want to know how other people are. Maybe it\u2019s out of curiosity; maybe it\u2019s because we care. Their answer may give us momentary validation, or make us feel good, or even bad.\u00a0 But for the last few years, \u201chow are you\u201d has taken on new meaning. The world is discombobulated and people are just trying to survive. We\u2019ve been focused on ourselves, getting through insert your personal issue here<\/u>. Considering a simple \u201chow are you\u201d is heavy. In fact, not sure it\u2019s even a thing.<\/p>\n

Last Saturday, our car battery died in a busy hardware store parking lot. Roadside assistance was a two-hour wait, so we opened the hood and sat there while people came and went, nodding or looking away. We even got one \u201chow\u2019s it going,\u201d but before we could answer, the person drove off. So we decided to ask inside if anyone could help. We were greeted at the register by the manager. \u201cHow are you?\u201d he asked. We explained the dilemma and asked if someone could help jump the car (we had cables.) He paused, looked up to the ceiling and said, “Um, no, I can\u2019t really do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

We try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but that response gave us pause for thought. We will never live in a zero-conflict world, but some days it\u2019s obvious the vibe has changed. Did people really stop caring? Or have we just forgotten to consider the meaning of \u201chow are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Sure, it can be a loaded question and trigger some uncomfortable stuff. But it\u2019s also a phrase of compassion. When asked with honesty, it elicits the sentiment of caring. It can can brighten our day, make us feel appreciated, or in our case, would have brought relief. Whether a friend or a stranger, it matters to me how others feel, so when I ask, \u201cHow are you?\u201d I mean it. But maybe I\u2019m just weird.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re all persevering, doing the best we can, evading the strains of the present moment in favor of that happier place that is always poking at the perimeter. We\u2019re planning, striving, living, surviving, and moving through our lives. But if we truly don\u2019t mean \u201chow are you,\" how far do we really get?<\/p>\n

Maybe by default, humans make things harder than they need to be. When we\u2019re under stress or dealing with overload, we just want to feel better and happier. But when did we forget that caring about others, in a reverse way, helps us do just that? So, I\u2019m checking in. How are you?<\/p>\n

P.S. I love you.<\/p>\n

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