{"id":1134,"date":"2021-03-30T18:56:35","date_gmt":"2021-03-30T22:56:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=1134"},"modified":"2021-07-17T15:00:31","modified_gmt":"2021-07-17T19:00:31","slug":"the-secret-to-self-care","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=1134","title":{"rendered":"The Secret to Self-Care"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n

By Deborah Blackwell<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

How many times have we heard we need to take care of ourselves? Self-care is the answer to everything. Or, it at least plays a major role in the recipe for wellbeing. What started in the 1970s as a medical concept, three decades later, turned into a way of life.<\/p>\n

I thought I knew what self-care meant\u2014do whatever you can to take care of yourself. I understood it, but I didn\u2019t know how to do it. Or actually, how to feel it<\/i>.<\/b><\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy to intervene in the comfort level of those we love and care about. It\u2019s a feeling\u2014like a parent tending to the wellbeing of a child\u2014it comes from the heart. Caring for others\u2019 emotional and physical wellbeing comes pretty naturally.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But self-care is a whole different ballgame. What does it even mean?<\/p>\n

Originally self-care meant to follow doctors orders, like, don\u2019t forget to take your medication. A couple of decades later, self-care became about how to find some peace in a chaotic world\u2014light a candle, take a bubble bath, try aromatherapy. Or take a walk and listen to soothing music. Make a cup of tea, curl up in a blanket, and read a good book. Yes, this is all self-care. But does that always work?<\/p>\n

Most of us have a tendency toward busy-ness. Our schedules are busy, our days are busy, and are minds are busy in our 24\/7 world. But always being busy\u2014whether through cultural norms, crazy circumstances, or self-imposed demands\u2014keeps our nervous system from settling in to self-care.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to sit down, be still, exhale, and really rest.<\/i> <\/b><\/p>\n

We also have a tendency toward self-judgement. We tell ourselves aren\u2019t not doing enough to\u2014fill in the blank\u2014reach our goals\u2026.exercise\u2026get followers\u2026manage our budget. And worse, we feel the need to hurry. We have to I don\u2019t keep up\u2026cross it off the list\u2026and oh that\u2019s right, take care of ourselves.<\/p>\n

I tried to slow down and pay attention to my own needs\u2014whatever they were\u2014but nothing seemed to change. I took bubble baths, listened to soothing music, I even spritzed lavender oil all over my house. But I didn\u2019t feel better.<\/p>\n

I felt like I was failing at self-care, so I beat myself up. What was was I doing wrong? <\/b><\/p>\n

At my wits not ever being able to unwind, I discovered I couldn\u2019t look at the outside world for relief. It was an inner-conflict. Self-judgement, self-criticism, and a lack of self-acceptance was not only hindering my self-care, it was undermining it.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the human condition. The inner voice says, \u201cI suck. I\u2019m a fail. I\u2019ve tried and can\u2019t. I give up. I quit. Yep, I suck.\u201d<\/p>\n

Beating myself up prohibited me from doing the one thing that defines self-care: self-love. <\/b><\/p>\n

I sat with that for a minute. What if I just let everything be ok? My feelings, my life as it was at that moment, even what I thought were my fails. Because in life there really is no failing, it\u2019s only a perception we hold.<\/p>\n

Imagine what it would feel like to let ourselves off the hook and loved ourselves just the way we are. <\/b><\/p>\n

The same way we love and accept our children, or grandparents, or our neighbor who brings us homemade cookies.<\/p>\n

Self-care starts with the freedom of accepting who we are. Offering ourselves self-love, or at least self-like with a sense of humor. The rest\u2014like a long bubble bath that heals\u2014will follow.<\/p>\n

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