{"id":1130,"date":"2021-05-05T19:08:46","date_gmt":"2021-05-05T23:08:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=1130"},"modified":"2021-07-17T14:59:53","modified_gmt":"2021-07-17T18:59:53","slug":"dont-take-it-personally","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=1130","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t Take it Personally"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n

By Deborah Blackwell<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Sometimes hard to be a human. We fight amongst ourselves, poke and prod at each other, and worse, make judgements and assumptions about the people around us. When we\u2019re on the receiving end of that nasty \u201cstuff,\u201d it\u2019s easy to take it personally.<\/p>\n

Animals on the other hand, have figured out how to detach. They don\u2019t take anything personally, even though they live and interact together in the animal world. They play and fight, snuggle and bite, then simply move on with their lives.<\/p>\n

This sounds like a pretty good idea. No dwelling, no deprecating, no plotting or projecting. Just being.<\/p>\n

Humans have learned to take things personally since the beginning of time.<\/b><\/p>\n

When we\u2019re emotionally triggered, it\u2019s usually because someone say something to us that hits our weak spot\u2014that thing we don\u2019t like about ourselves, or our life. They play on our insecurities, our fears, and our doubts.<\/p>\n

I learned how to take things personally at a very young age from my mother. She wasn\u2019t the nicest when it came to her daughter. When I was bullied about being fat even though I was just a little plump, she would say, \u201cWell, you could stand to lose a few pounds.\u201d<\/p>\n

In fifth grade, people made fun of me for having a few wisps of dark hair on my upper lip. My mother was almost angry about those wisps, promptly took me to the salon to have it bleached, and insisted I stay on top of it.<\/p>\n

As I got older and the issues got bigger\u2014especially in my teenage years\u2014my mother didn\u2019t let up. And I paid for it.<\/p>\n

I took everything personally. Whenever someone was mad, even if it wasn\u2019t about me, I assumed it was. When someone judged me, I was an emotional mess and beat myself up. If someone blamed me for something, even if it wasn\u2019t true, I embodied that it was.<\/b><\/p>\n

That\u2019s easy to do by the way, because first, humans love to blame other humans for their own misery. Second, we can absorb it like a sponge and it hits our psyche hard.<\/p>\n

Eventually\u2014after a lot of inner reflection and paying attention to my self-esteem\u2014I realized my mother was projecting her own insecurities onto me. She<\/i> took personally what she encouraged me<\/i> to take personally, as if I was a reflection of her. I wasn\u2019t, but it took a lot of years to figure that out\u2026and a lot of pain.<\/p>\n

Whether personalizing everyone else\u2019s issues when they aren\u2019t ours, or taking responsibility for them, weakens our essence, the very core of our being. It threatens our dignity and our joy. Over time, it even threatens our health. <\/b><\/p>\n

To stop the vicious cycle takes courage, and practice. I tried a lot of things before I found what worked for me. Talk-therapy, journaling, noticing triggers and trying to neutralize my thoughts at every turn, all helped.<\/p>\n

But it can be as simple as taking a deep breath (or several,) and \u201cstepping back\u201d in your mind. I learned to put space between myself and whatever is hovering in my mental orbit. Kind of like watching TV.<\/p>\n

I \u201csee\u201d myself separate from that thing over there that is causing me to feel upset. I\u2019m over here, it\u2019s over there. And I don\u2019t have to do anything with it.<\/p>\n

I can take my attention off of it\u2014because I\u2019m in charge of my life, my thoughts, and my feelings<\/i>\u2014and that offers powerful relief. <\/b><\/p>\n

Over time, it gets easier and easier\u2026and surprisingly, even fun. Because the only thing we need to take personally, is how we treat ourselves.<\/p>\n

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