{"id":1018,"date":"2021-04-06T09:15:22","date_gmt":"2021-04-06T13:15:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=1018"},"modified":"2021-07-17T15:00:25","modified_gmt":"2021-07-17T19:00:25","slug":"its-ok-to-be-happy-even-when-were-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deborahblackwell.com\/?p=1018","title":{"rendered":"It’s Ok to be Happy, Even When We’re Not"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n

By Deborah Blackwell<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

A lot of people seem miserable right now, and I used to be one of them.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s so easy to get caught up in the stressors of life and not realize how impacted we are, or worse, even who we are.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Since birds of a feather flock together, we tend to gravitate toward others who are miserable and can support us in our unhappiness. We feel like we found an identity, call them our tribe\u2014our community\u2014and feel better about ourselves and our life.<\/p>\n

After all, misery loves company.<\/p>\n

A long time ago, I became part of a special needs advocacy group with thousands of parents all fighting the same process to help their child who was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. It felt good to belong to a group of like-minded parents on the same journey. I made close friends and we banded together in determination and support.<\/p>\n

Raising a child on the autism spectrum can feel like living in a dark maze that takes an incredible amount of effort, diligence, and hope to survive. There are so many pitfalls, and sometimes it\u2019s unbearable. But I had that community of supporters who held my hand, and sometimes even carried me, without asking for anything in return.<\/p>\n

The trouble was, the misery we all felt going through the toughest times with our children became so habitual, for some, it stuck. The daily turmoil trained our minds into rote patterns of despair, pessimism, fear, and sadness.<\/p>\n

This can happen with anything in life, whatever our issues and circumstances \u2013 health, family, work, relationships \u2013 doesn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n

We can get stuck without realizing it, looking at our life and the world around us through a filter, or lens of misery, wondering when it will all change for the better, but not always seeing when it does.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not the world around us that has to change, it\u2019s us. The way we think, feel, see, hear\u2014the way we perceive our life\u2014is on us. It took me a while to really get that.<\/p>\n

When we go through things that feel unbearable for too long, we forget it\u2019s ok to be happy.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The question is, are we willing. The road to happiness can be hard to navigate, and it takes time to work our way back. For me, it was almost as hard as raising a child on the spectrum. I had to shift every aspect of my thinking each moment, every, single day. It was like snapping a rubber band on my wrist every time I caught myself being miserable\u2014whether in thought, words, or feelings\u2014I had to reach for a better option. Over and over again.<\/p>\n

I forced myself to watch happy shows, read happy books, and I tried, even desperately, to look at life with a lighter attitude, literally rerouting my habitual way of existing.<\/p>\n

It got easier and easier.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m not sure the work is ever \u201cover,\u201d because when the goal is happiness, the only path is deciding it\u2019s possible right now. No matter what.<\/strong><\/p>\n

On my son\u2019s 23rd birthday I knew we both had made it to the \u201cother side.\u201d And as time went on, so did many in the group, and we maintained our special\u2014and happier\u2014bond.<\/p>\n

Misery loves company, but happiness makes all the difference.<\/p>\n

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